If I had a genie, we would mock big data together, and trick monsters like Amazon and Facebook. We would make meaning without pausing for prediction. Nature would bend to our minds and not the other way around. Oh, if I had a genie, we would play Black Hole Sun with xylophones at midnight Eastern Standard Time inside a black hole that was never a sun. (Honestly, I don’t even know – Were all black holes … suns? No matter.) If I had a genie, I would just cast genie spells like: “Show me a new color” and “More pleasure please.” And the genie wouldn’t bother asking silly questions like: “Which frequency of light do you wish for?” or “How do you wish for the electricity to move through your brain?” What a relief to feel coherent again – to stop using a telescope before ordering a chicken sandwich. If I had a genie, I would forget numbers larger than 10. I could finally relax without a lifetime trying to find it and another trying to make it. And then I realized I actually have a genie.